Shadows and Sunshine
by Beth0987
Summary: Kurogane was used to all the sounds of the night, except one. KuroFai if you squint.


Two oneshots I wrote for my friend after she bugged me a lot. The second one almost directly follows the first, so I put them in the same document.

Disclaimer: I don't own tsubasa, and I don't want to because then I wouldn't enjoy it half as much.

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Oneshot The First

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Whenever they had to camp in a strange world outside the safety of a town, Kurogane would keep watch.

No-one had asked him to. Syaoran would usually mumble something about taking shifts, the instantly fall into a deep sleep. Kurogane wouldn't have trusted Sakura to stay awake, as she still hadn't fully recovered and had a tendency to faint at the most inopportune moments. And Fai… well, if someone tried to sneak up on them Fai would probably just smile and offer to make them a cup of tea.

So every night when the others had fallen asleep, Kurogane would prop himself up against a tree, close his eyes and doze. To a casual observer he was as deeply asleep as anyone, but in reality his ears were pricked, ready to react to the slightest sound. It was a technique that had worked well for him before this whole mad adventure, but first you had to work out what the normal sounds were. Syaoran snored. Sakura was the most restless sleeper Kurogane had ever had the misfortune of sharing a camp with, and was forever making noises which dragged him out of his restful haze and into alertness. Eventually he'd gotten used to the constant sound of shifting fabric and the occasional breaking twig. He'd also hear a bubbling sound coming from the vicinity of Mokona occasionally, but he'd never felt the urge to go over and check what the little brat was doing.

They were spending yet another night outdoors tonight, in one of the endless forests they seemed to end up trekking through. Kurogane lay down with the others by the campfire, but as soon as he heard the first of Syaoran's snores he dragged himself a little away from the delicious warmth. The cold air woke him up just enough, and he settled down to listen.

Syaoran's snoring. From the sound of things, he meant to go on all night.

'Puu…. Puu….'

Oh great. Now it was snoring too.

He snap of a twig, accompanied by a soft rustle of cloth. Sakura.

…

…

A soft sound, almost inaudible over the snoring duet. A soft hitch of breath. And another. Almost like someone was crying.

He heard that same sound every night. At first he figured it was Mokona, as Sakura and Sayoran were always deeply asleep by the time it began. But after a while he'd stopped noticing it, it just faded into the background like everything else. And he'd stopped wondering.

There are some things you don't want other people to know you know.

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Oneshot The Second

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The heavy bark of the tree scratched against Kurogane's back, and the low branch he was using for a pillow was rough against his cheek. This, however, was a good thing. They'd been in this wood for at least a week after Mokona said he thought he sensed something there, but they seemed to be no closer to the damn feather than they had been when they arrived. Every day Mokona and Syaoran would go out searching, and every day they'd come back empty handed. At first Kurogane had gone with them, in case there was anything dangerous in the endless expanse of trees, but so far the most threatening creature he'd come across was a squirrel. It wasn't even a scary-looking squirrel.

So he'd been sitting around for three days, playing endless card games with Sakura and Fai, occasionally trekking to a nearby village to get food, staring into space… The only upside was he'd had to keep watch for six nights straight, and most days he was too sleepy to do much anyway.

He felt himself drifting off. He forced his eyes open and rubbed his cheek against the branch. A broken twig scratched along his jaw, and the thin line of pain was enough to wake him up a little more.

Then he heard the sound again, and was fully awake.

It wasn't every night, but more often than not. It was rare for him to go three days straight without hearing it. A soft sobbing, almost too quiet to be heard over the general rustle of a night in a forest. Tonight, if he hadn't been listening for it, he would have dismissed it as the wind.

He glanced uneasily in Fai's direction. He could only see his silhouette outlined against the embers of the campfire, but there was an almost invisible tremor as Fai's shoulders shook. He watched silently. Why was he obsessing over this, anyway? What did he care if Fai wasn't as happy as he pretended to be?

But he did care, much as he hated to admit it. At first, when he'd first figured out who it was, it had felt almost obscene- an intrusion into Fai's privacy. He'd tried to close his ears to it then, and pretend it didn't happen. It had never worked.

So he'd watched, and listened. He'd tried to subtly ask Fai about it, but he had all the subtlety of a mallet and knew it. After getting more than a few funny looks from Sakura and Syaoran as well as Fai, he'd given up.

In the end, it had faded into the background just like Syaoran's snores.

But now he couldn't stand it anymore. There was only so long even the coldest person could listen to another sounding quite so heartbroken without feeling at least a little sorry for them, and Kurogane, contrary from what he pretended, was far from heartless. Ninja just weren't supposed to show emotion, a rule he had taken seriously.

He groaned slightly, trying to sound as if he was just waking up. To his own ears it sounded completely false, but the crying stopped immediately. He lay back against the tree, staring hard at Fai's shadow.

He wanted to go to him, but something held him back. He tried to tell himself that it was because he didn't want Fai to be embarrassed, but he knew that wasn't really it. Fai embarrassed him daily with insulting nicknames, and Kurogane was desperate for a chance to pay him back. But Fai, it seemed, was totally shameless. This… this was too intimate, too personal.

He was afraid. Before this whole mad quest, his job had been simple- find things that threatened the princess and kill them. Before he'd started keeping watch, his job had been relatively simple- protect Syaoran and Sakura, while trying not to get killed or murder Fai. Now, everything was complicated.

So he just sat there. The shaking in Fai's shoulders faded, and Kurogane was fairly sure he had gone back to sleep.

He slept most of the next day, worn out from listening too hard.

The next night, Fai stayed awake. Kurogane pretended to doze and not notice Fai's eyes reflect the moonlight.

Kurogane spent another day in a haze, stumbling around exhausted until Sakura suggested he get some sleep. He'd left Sakura and Fai playing card games, which Fai kept inventing more and more elaborate and complex rules for. He'd given up playing when he realised he couldn't follow any of them.

He'd woken up just before nightfall to cold leftovers, a long night keeping watch as usual and a renewed determination to talk to Fai. He almost hoped he'd hear the crying again tonight. He was never going to be this awake in the middle of the night ever again.

Midnight came and went, and Kurogane began to doubt he'd hear anything. But about eight hours after the moon had risen, he heard it. He sat up, and as quietly as he could slid forward until he was crouching a metre or so away from Fai.

'Is something wrong?'

Fai's curled up body visibly jerked at Kurogane's question. Kurogane waited patiently for a reply, but Fai seemed to have gone completely still.

Playing dead, is he?

Kurogane took a step forward, then hesitated. Maybe he should just leave it for the night.

In for a copper, in for a gold…

He moved round, carefully stepping over Sakura and Mokona, who was propped up against her leg, until he was sitting in front of Fai. Fai's hood was pulled low over his face, leaving only his mouth and nose showing. Kurogane was slightly irritated to realise Fai was wearing his usual bright grin.

'Is something wrong?' he repeated. Fai seemed to have realised it was no use pretending to be asleep.

'Nothing. Why did you wake me up?'

'I heard someone crying,' Kurogane continued determinedly, if only from a desperate desire to see the end of this whole messy business. Never in his life had he wanted more to be somewhere else.

'Hmmm….' Fai's mouth turned down slightly, and Kurogane could imagine his forehead wrinkled in concentration. 'Couldn't say, Kuro-chi,' he said cheerfully.

'That's not the same as 'I don't know,' though, is it?' Kurogane replied, trying a squash down the anger at the usual nicknames. With as much gentleness as he cared to muster, he reached under the hood. The tip of his thumb bumped against Fai's nose, and he carefully brushed one finger across his cheek. It came away wet. He raised an eyebrow and pushed back the hood. Fai's eyes were bloodshot, and without the shadow over his face Kurogane could clearly see the tear tracks crossing it.

Fai's bright smile drained away, leaving a look of hopeless despair. Kurogane resisted the urge to look away. It looked wrong.

'My sensei taught me ninja were never supposed to show emotion,' Kurogane said, trying to fill the silence. Sakura made a muffled noise and Kurogane glanced at her, but she seemed as deeply asleep as ever. Nevertheless, he lowered his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was wake everyone up and make things even more uncomfortable.

'But I've never seen anyone do it like you,' Kurogane paused, trying to think of what to say next. Fai just stared bleakly at him.

'Instead of no emotion… just one, all the time. I can't believe I never thought of it. Everyone just puts you down as a fool…' Kurogane knew he was rambling, and forced himself to stop.

The silence stretched out from seconds into minutes. Kurogane resisted the urge to run as far as he could in the opposite direction and bang his head against a tree. Instead, he silently cursed himself for getting into such a stupid situation in the first place.

'Kurogane, I..' Fai looked away without finishing the sentence.

'Maybe if you weren't being happy all the time, you wouldn't get so sad otherwise,' Kurogane said. Maybe if he hit Fai over the head with a rock, he wouldn't remember any of this tomorrow…he realised with a jolt that Fai hadn't called him something… well, it didn't seem so insulting anymore.

'You act grumpy all the time,'

Fai's expression was unreadable, at least to Kurogane, who wasn't used to anything other than 'happy' and 'high', but he could have collapsed with relief at the faintly mocking tone in his voice.

'I don't laugh when I think everyone else is asleep,'

'What would Kuro-chan suggest, then?'

Kurogane opened his mouth, and closed it again. He had no idea.

'Maybe it's better to act happy some of the time than to be sad all the time,' Fai said to the space three feet to the left of Kurogane.

'I'm not grumpy all of the time!' Kurogane replied, nettled.

'Oh really?'

'I'm… I'm not grumpy now,' he said.

Fai stared at him again. Kurogane tried desperately to think of something happy. Fai, given his great experience with the subject, could probably spot a fake smile with his eyes shut.

The day he was made a ninja… The first time he successfully completed a mission… Everything seemed to have a gloomy haze over it.

A memory of pure sunlight broke into his thoughts. He'd been away from home, lost, alone… scared… A half-remembered voice came back as strong as if the owner was standing right in front of him.

'Is it okay if I call you Kuro-chan or Kuro-rin?'

Kurogane opened his eyes. He Hadn't realised he'd had them closed.

That would explain it. The voice's owner was indeed standing- well, lying- right in front of him.

He grinned.

'See? Not sad,' He said with as much cheerfulness as he could manage.

Fai gazed at him solemnly for a moment, then smiled.

Kurogane's breath caught in his throat. He'd seen Fai smile before, of course- how could he have not?- but this was different. It was warmer, brighter, sunnier. It seemed to chase the dark shadows away from his face.

Kurogane also suspected it was entirely genuine.

'Nor am I,' Fai reached out and laid a hand over Kurogane's. 'Thank you,' he said quietly.

Kurogane muttered something unintelligible.

'Next time you want a hug, though, ask Mokona,' he said gruffly, trying to make up for lost dignity.

Fai laughed. 'But he prefers you!'

'I've had enough hugs from that little-' Kurogane growled, remembering the amount of times he'd had to pick the surprisingly persistent furball out of his clothes and blankets.

'You can never have enough hugs, Kuro-chi,'

Fai pulled himself into a sitting position, and before Kurogane could move away slid both of his arms round his waist. Kurogane stiffened. Fai squeezed tight, then let him go.

'You… you should go back to sleep,' Kurogane said.

'There's not much point in that. The sun's nearly up, see?' Fai pointed to the sky. There was a faint touch of pink on the horizon.

'Oh…' Kurogane realised exactly how little sleep he'd had that night, and the night before. To be precise, none. The three-hour nap in the afternoon had been the most he'd had in days. He sagged back against the tree.

He felt an arm around him again, and opened his eyes. Fai was leaning against him, head on Kurogane's collarbone. Kurogane tried to move away, but Fai's arms tightened around him. He sighed, and rested his arm over Fai's shoulders.

Fai's weight on his chest shifted, and he looked down. Fai was grinning up at him, with the same heart-stopping smile he'd glimpsed earlier.

'Never enough hugs?' Kurogane said wearily, and Fai squeezed him tighter.

'Something like that,' Fai replied, and together they watched the sun come up.


End file.
